May 22, 2014

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Bismillahirrahmaniirahim



I have been through a lot lately. Tak tertanggung rasanya.

Bad days. Broken hearted. Pain. Feeling down about myself (excuse me, I am a plus size woman now, so how am I supposed to feel? Pretty like Jolie? Hey, she had her 'down' moment too, you know)

I don't know how am I supposed to react. Plus managing my crazy hormones and hectic life.

That day, I yelled.

Going Mad.

Cry a river.

I don't even know how to describe my feelings and put it into words.

It's throbbing my heart and tear it into pieces.

God knows how I felt in a few days (weeks) back.

Plus, I am goin to give birth to a (Insya Allah) very beautiful baby girl, soon.

To be precise, 3 days to go. And I am scare to death thinking bout it.

At first I was mad. Really mad. I yelled (which I am not supposed to do).

I even ask for that sinful thing. I curse.

But when I sat down and think about it again, I realized a lot of things. It was an eye opener.

So I took a chance to look into myself, what I did wrong.

And trying hard, damn hard not to blame others.

It was my fault, and clearly, I put the blame on you too.

My fault? It was a blink of an eye negligence.

And you took your chance. It was stupid silly mistakes you make. Seriously.

Why are you doing this? You had your own. But it is not enough for you. You want more. Trying to get mine with your dirty, unscrupulous way?

It is NOT MY FAULT that (according to you) I was born to be a lucky woman to have what I had now.

It takes me days trying to put myself into your shoes.

NO.

I can't wear your shoes. We are not in the same size.

So I tried to be fair and not being judgemental, I asked you why.

And you explained.

But when I go through your conversation again, NOPE.

It is not acceptable reason for you doing that. I know what you are thinking. I can read your mind. I can see it in your eyes. I can read what is hidden in your text.

It is clearly stated, YOU WANT AND TRYING TO GET WHAT IS CLEARLY MINE.

SORRY I CAN'T LET IT HAPPEN, AGAIN.

KINDLY BARE IN MIND THERE'S A VERY BROAD LINE BETWEEN A FRIEND AND A SL*T (Sorry, I curse again).

So I have decided.

WE ARE SO OVER.

AND THANKS TO YOU, I AM A DIFFERENT PERSON NOW.

YOU WILL NEVER FEEL SATISFIED UNTIL YOU SIT DOWN, AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU HAVE AROUND YOU.

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